Still Here

It's been awhile since I've been here, but I'm still here and that's the important thing. My health is giving me some difficulty, but I am a survivor. I won't quit and I will do whatever I can to overcome.

New Year New Beginnings

It's the beginning of a new year as I write this. Somehow I think January is the most fleeting month of the year. The hustle and bustle of December finally begins to fade away, the Christmas decorations are put away and our gifts are being used (or returned to the store) by now.

Now is the time for reflection more than ever I think. During the quiet of January it is a time for pause among the stillness of the winter nights and think about this new year. What are our goals? What are our hopes? How will we handle ourselves as human beings and how will we treat others?

Don't let your January escape you without thinking about this great gift of a brand new year ahead of you. Imagine your posiblities and make them your realities.

The love of my life

His name is Rascal and he has four legs, a tail, and a great big heart. He's my chihuahua and he came to my home at the age of six weeks on Thanksgiving Day. From the moment I lay eyes on him, my life has been forever changed. He is my companion and my friend. He loves like no other and is always happy to see me. I am so greatful for my four legged friend.

Life sentence

Well, there are things far worse than this so today I count my blessings. For the rest of my life I must wear this contraption at night when I sleep. And, as uncomfortable as it might look, I'm actually getting used to it. Other than it rubs the top of my nose raw, it's not so bad. And I am actually feeling stronger and stronger during the day. The true test will come when I have to go back to work on Wednesday and see how I do. It's been great to be on vacation and not have to stand on my legs all day.

All of us have struggles that we must face in our lives. If this is all there is for me to battle over, then I'm a pretty lucky lady.

VQ Lung Scan

I've just come home from having a VQ Lung Scan. The first thing they do is inject your vein with a radioactive material and then you lay down on a machine that is alittle like a ct scanner. The machine looked just like this one in the picture. You lay on the table, and that square thing, has the camera in it. It comes forward and lowers close to your chest. You feel like a marshmallow in a smore, like it will squish you at any minute. They take a total of five xrays with this machine. One straight from the top and two at different positions on either side. The machine rotates to your side. Each xray takes six minutes so you have to lay there for a long time. Then I had to get up and they shot more radioactive material into a machine and hooked to an oxygen tank, and I had to breath it in for ten minutes. Then back to this table for five more xrays that only took two minutes each this time. Then for a standard xray, a straight on one and then one from the side. The procedure was not painful. I will have results in a couple of days.

A sleep evaluation, and they expect you to sleep?

Last night I had to go to a sleep evaluation center. I had to spend the night so that they could monitor the level of oxygen that I had while sleeping and if I had sleep apnea. Well, I have to say that the 'ordeal' was quite an experience to say the least!

As I was getting ready before going to the sleep center, I decided to wear my pjs. Why not? I was going there to sleep, after all.

When I got to the sleep center and opened the door there was a very small waiting room. I was directed to a room with a full-size bed and medical equipment beside it. There was a comfy lounge chair and a couple of night stands, and nice pictures on the wall, just like a small comfortable bedroom. I had to fill out paperwork, and then was directed to another room, where they hooked up what felt like a million and a half tiny wires all over my face, head, neck, chest and the lower part of my legs. Two straps were put around my chest area. The wires that were hooked into my hair were afixed with this greasy, gell, yuck that is also used when you get an electrocardigram. It's NASTY.

After I was hooked up to everything and able to lay down in the bed, I told the attendant that I felt like some sort of 'alien experiment.'

Then they shut the light off and go to their room to monitor the patient. She spoke to me over a speaker and asked me to blink my eyes five times, breathe in and out a few times, raise my hand and wave, and I forget all what else. After doing those 'bed aerobics' she said, "now you can go to sleep." SLEEP? Was she kidding me? Try falling asleep with fifteen thousand wires all over hecks half acre! She told me that she would monitor me for two hours and then come in the room. And naturally when she told me that I had 'that' to look forward too, it made anticipating being woken up all the more vivid in my mind and harder than heck to fall asleep. I lay there and just could not sleep. Every few moments my legs would give off an involuntary 'twitch' for no reason. And they didn't stop twitching. She said I fell asleep for brief moments but not very long. No kidding!

When she came in after two hours, she turned on the bright light, (just what I needed,NOT!) and said, 'Your oxygen level is too low, so she straps oxygen on me, like this picture and says, "Go to sleep." ARE YOU KIDDING ME, I thought. But acutally I rolled onto my back, like a petrified mummy and actually did fall asleep. The oxygen immediately made my legs stop twitching and I did get alittle rest. The oxygen mask fell off where it should be twice, so that interrupted things, but all in all it did help me get a couple hours sleep.

After they unstrapped all of the chords, and RIPPED the decals off my face, head, and body, which felt alittle like getting waxed, OUCH!...I got to come home. I was a frightful sight, so I'm glad it was still dark outside. I had hair in every direction, and I do mean EVERY direction. I couldn't brush my hair because it was filled with grease and slime from all of those wires being afixed to my face and scalp. It was horrible. But I survived, and will get my results when I see my Dr. in a couple of weeks.

I have a feeling that I'll be on oxygen when I sleep after I see my Dr. And I guess there are worse things to happen so I am here, at my keyboard and counting my blessings....and thankful as heck to have that gooey, oooey, sticky mess washed out of my hair!

I can tell you that if you have to go through a sleep evaluation you will survive it. I did and all in all it wasn't so bad!

CTR

I couldn't make up a story like this, no matter how creative I think that my mind is.

In the Mormon faith there is the well-known phrase that is symbolized by the three letters known as CTR. You will find Mormons wearing rings, or perhaps a pendant with those three letters on them. From what I understand, these letters stand for the words, 'Choose the right' or, in other words, to live in purity and to try to do the right thing always. The little pieces of jewelry may have gone completely unnoticed by me but for the fact that I once had a Mormon friend that told me about CTR.

Well, last night I was on my way home from work. I pulled up to a stoplight and had to wait because the car ahead of me wanted to make a right turn, but was waiting for the pedestrians to cross the street. Behind me pulled a large flat bed truck. As I waited for the car to make it's right turn, the driver of the flat bed truck swerved angrily to the left and went around the both of us, making an illegal right turn from the center lane at the same time the car ahead of me was turning. I could tell by the way the driver of the truck was controlling his vehicle that he was pretty angry. At any other time that I might be watching something like this, I would have probably said something like, "What an %&^$#!!!!!" But for some reason, the thought that went through my mind was,

" Now that was a WRONG thing to do."

As I drove along the road toward home I was thinking about my thoughts and about things like right and wrong. Then I got to remembering the Mormon phrase of CTR or choose the right. While I am not Mormon, I truly like and appreciate a phrase like CTR and I wish all people would live up to those three words. I vowed there and then, in the privacy of my own Dodge truck on a quiet ride home that no matter how long I remained on this earth that I was going to try and choose the right in all aspects of my life.

I came home and had to do a few things and pretty much put the thoughts behind me as I did some things around the house, before going back down that same street a couple of hours later. As I drove back down the street I pulled up to a traffic light just a few blocks from where I had passed earlier and witnessed that agitated driver. There was one car waiting at the light ahead of me so I had to stop. I couldn't help but notice the personalized license plate on that car. It simply read....

CTRLIFE....or, in other words, CHOOSE THE RIGHT LIFE. I was moved to tears because I knew that this was no coincidence. No meer happinstance. No, this was quite the contrary. I truly feel that this was a Divine message meant for me, an affirmation that I am not alone in the universe, even while facing significant health concerns. I realized that a person doesn't always learn all there is about God and about the 'right' way to live by simply warming a church pew each Sunday. When we open our eyes and open our hearts we will find God's presence and love right where we are! Today and tomorrow and forever, may we all vow to CTRLIFE!